Found.

A large scale painting, created outside on my workstation while pregnant with my son.

Each painting is like a photograph. It captures a snapshot in time. When I look at a piece, I rarely see the work; I see a memory of who and where I was at the time of creation. I remember the why I was there. I remember what I was doing. I sometimes remember what I was feeling during that time.

There are many things significant about this painting. The color usage. The hundreds, possibly thousands of miniature unconscious decisions I made when creating this work. But, what I fondly remember most was that I was pregnant for the first time, filled with excited anticipation of my soon to arrive son. And I remember how excited I was to take on the thrilling task to paint six large scale, brand new paintings to showcase in Mid Main Gallery’s beautiful windows. As I write this paragraph, I have my now 6 month old son, in my arms. It is so interesting how creative endeavors, such as painting a painting, is embedded with the tenets of everyday life, inspiration, and personal history of the artist.

A good question that I have heard often as an artist, is “when do I know when a painting is finished?” My usual answers consist of either, when I feel good about the painting, satisfied with what I created and there is nothing else I want to do to it. When this happens I feel a sense of balance and cohesiveness of the work, and pride.

Sometimes the answer also consists of, when if I keep going, the essence of the painting will change. The best way I can describe this is, a lot of times, there can be multiple paintings within a painting—multiple ideas, finished products within the layers underneath. Many times, I have stopped painting because something wonderfully unexpected happened, and if I keep going, I will lose it. When this happens, I stop and begin a new painting, keeping the momentum and flow of ideas from the previous work. I have learned to do this. To get out of my own way, and accept the divinity of happenstance—the stumbling upon a treasure. Relinquishing my ego, the requirement of having to be the one who knew every step and turn on the way, having to be in control of every result and outcome, and allow myself to receive the gift of creating something beautiful on accident.

Here in “Found,” my husband saw the painting while I was painting it, loved it, and advised me to stop. Don’t do anything else to it. So I listened to my husband. (As I should do more often, haha). And I think it was a wise and fantastic decision. Thank you My Love. Now I can add to this answer, when Mark tells me its done. lol.

Found by AVM Hawkins. Installation Day at Mid Main Gallery

“Found” was the first painting I began experimenting with plastering materials to create texture on the canvas where the work would appear like I’ve painted on concrete. Ever since I was young child, all the way to my present “adultness,” I love graffiti art. There is something magical about the interaction of art onto outdoor walls with wear and tear imperfections derived from weather and time. There are layers of collaboration from the artist, nature, and the direct environment that surrounds it. In “Found” there are a combination of elements of natural canvas, spackling to create texture, with acrylic and oil pastels for color and movement.

I think there is something about the teals + blues in this work, that flow gracefully through the painting, like a sea breeze, soothing the soul, clearing the mind, connecting with self. It reminds of being on vacation. Being near the beach. Near water, and the soothing sounds of God. I think of the feeling of being on vacation. The feeling of being imbued with rejuvenation. Wondering how come I must travel miles away from home to feel this feeling?

I wrote the word, “Found” in purple pastels, giving this work its essence. I wrote it naturally through gesture on the canvas without conscious thought. It was just the word I felt as I painted. It reminds me of my favorite line from Amazing Grace, “I was once lost, but now I am found.”

Sometimes, during the hustle and bustle of life we forget to slow down. We get caught up in the noise, and lose touch with ourselves, our clear peaceful thinking. We seem to gain access to this self, on vacation, or during beautiful moments when we step out and away from the day to day grind. It can be easy to lose ourselves in our lives and easy to forget who we are and what we want. It is my hope that Found inspires the peace and serenity that can be found within. It is my hope that the contemplation of art, the taking in the work through sight and silence, inspires a innate instant connection with our Self. To find our Self once again.

I was once lost, now I am...